Morning Guys. (it’s 4:30pm)
So last night was insane. Ugh. Decided to go out to celebrate the RNC, and things got a lil cray cray. It was ladies night at Coyote Ugly so after playing a couple rounds of pool with my friend I took it upon myself to treat the “Ladies drink free til Midnight” as a personal challenge. Lots of fun ensued as I slammed down PBR’s and Vodka Tonic’s. Seriously if Amy Winehouse, Courtney Love, and Ke$ha were magically able to reproduce and have a threesome baby, last night I was that Heaven sent PartyRockin’ lovechild. I went out looking fabulous, last night, Grateful Dead baseball tee, high-waisted denim skirt, rust colored canvas Vans, and of course lots of pink glitter. Blah, blah, blah lots of drinks in my veins when all of a sudden DJ STARTED PLAYIN MY JAM!!!! I can’t for the love of God remember what song came on, but I do remember gasping very loudly, screaming ‘OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SONG’, and immediately hopping up on the bar to dance. After a little dancing somehow the bartender managed to convince me to take off my bra and let random patrons of the bar try and slingshot it onto a clothing line hanging from the ceiling. Then I was laid down on the bar while Tequila was poured into my mouth multiple times. What can I say? Dirty South girls like to party.
Today was the most horrible day to be as hungover as I am. I had a job interview, (which I managed to nail!) and the sun was just entirely too bright. But I did manage to find inspiration from my horrible hangover for a post. When I’m hungover nothing makes me feel worse than feeling AND looking like shit. So since, it takes a certain amount of BC Powder, water, coffee, grease, and Diet Dr. Pepper to elevate the feeling part of it, I always make myself look fabulous when I’m hungover. It’s a quick and simple way to boost your mood a little bit. However, I fucking hate getting ready and doing make-up with a headache from hell. So I have devised a quick ‘look like you’re a functioning member of society not a completely insane psycho drunk’ routine. It takes less than 10 minutes and only involves the simplest tasks, plus you’ll look super fabulous when you’re done.
So let’s get this shit over with.
Step 1: Brush your teeth and scrub all of your face except your eyes. This will wake you up, freshen you up and decrease the smell of whiskey seeping out of your pours. Don’t touch your eyes though. Chances are you had a lot of dark eye make up on last night and getting that shit wet or attempting to scrub it off is wayy more work than you’re prepared for. TRUST.
Step 2: Moisturize your face, if you don’t have sensitive skin you can use a small amount of basic hand lotion, but I’m a princess and my porcelain can’t handle cheap stuff so I actually do use a fancy moisturizer. Only use a small amount, you can dab some around your eyes to clean up the eyeshadow/mascara/eyeliner that’s probably smudged all around them.
Note I said use the moisturizer to clean it up a little bit, do not attempt to remove your eye make up, for reals. I cannot stress this enough.
Step 3: Do a quick application of foundation, just to even out your skin tone, doesn’t have to be perfect, or heavy. Just as quick and simple as you can make it.
Step 4: Pile on more eye makeup. As much as you want, as dark as you want, make it look good, throw some glitter make it rain. You know. Really Ke$ha that shit up. It’ll make you look like you put effort into your look for the day, but since you already had eye make up on leftover from last night really you didn’t do much. Win.
Step 5: Put your hair in a high ponytail and hairspray the fuuuuccccckkkkkk out of it. Tease it upppp!!The higher the hair the closer to God, and if you get close enough maybe he’ll take pity on you and relieve you of your hangover. You’re probably gunna need to ask for forgiveness for multiple sins you forgot you committed last night anyway…Most of the time I also add a headband or scarf on top of that craziness too in order to cover up the train wreck that’s piled atop my scalp.
OOOOH! and don’t forget to wear clothes!! Holy cow I almost forgot, that coulda been bad. Throw on something cute and comfy, baggy skirt and tank is my go-to. Gotta love mustaches. I always try and wear crazy color combos when I’m hungover too, my rule is to always wear at least one ridiculous item, if not multiple at a time. People don’t get it or understand what look I’m going for but when it comes to fashion typically if people don’t understand it, they just think you’re really ahead of the trend and start copying the ridiculousness.
There you have it. 5 simple steps to transform you from Hangover Hell to Hell-0 Hottie.