As per usual Haley and I had an unexpected adventure. I expected our hang-out session to be blog-worthy for sure, Haley and I always have a ton of fun together and we’re awesome so of course when we hang out people will want to read about it. However I sincerely wasn’t prepared for what the day had in store for us (and neither was Haley). As Haley picked me up she was frantically talking to someone on the phone about debit cards and driving “out there”, oh Lord here we go. She gets off the phone as we’re pulling into the gas station. “So,do you have somewhere to be? Wanna ride with me to Osceola County to bail Rico out of jail?” “I don’t have anywhere to be at all, if you can take me back to my house after, and of course, even under these grim circumstances I am always up for a mini road trip.” Side Note: to both Haley and myself this conversation wasn’t surprising, startling, or abnormal. Seriously this kid has a splendid, crazy, adventurous life, if she had time to blog hers would be wayyy more fun than mine…
Anyway, the Mission has been Set. Osceola County is on the other side of the Magic Kingdom, the dark side, Mickey’s Wild Wild Hillbilly Adventure or something. Wayy worse than Riverview. By the jail there were clearly several bail bonds places, but there were also some amusing places that will give you an idea of how deep in Butt-Fucked Egypt we actually were. Saddled up right next to the 24/7 bail bonds place we were at was the Rodeo Diner, a beautiful brown building complete with the most gorgeous mural of a cowboy riding a bull on the side. I really wanted to eat there but Haley wouldn’t let us… Right next to the jail was the Three Corners Pub, we conversed about how it should have been called the Three Strikes Pub since it was next to jail, but oh well, chalk that one up to Bar Name Fails.
Now I don’t want you to think that we didn’t have a wonderful time because despite the horrible circumstances Hals and I had a great time for the most part. The bail bondsmen told us that even though she finished everything for his bail at around 3:00 he wouldn’t be released until between 10pm-12am, because the cops in Osceola County are dumb pieces of shit that like to take an hour lunch break after every 30 minutes of work. So we had some time to kill.
Haley took us to the Happiest Place on Earth for broke bitches: Downtown Disney!! It’s free to get in, and there are plenty of fun places to take pictures and happiness is still on every corner. We washed our hands at the most magical place to wash hands: Basin. I washed my hands with Pink Sugar. Best experience ever. We walked around a wonderful Disney Princess store, and found the coolest Minnie Mouse ears and picked out things to add to our Christmas Lists, and then we took pictures next to a statue of Cinderella. It was fun and we smiled a lot which proves that Mickey really is magical because there’s no other way anyone in the world would be smiling with their brother behind bars. After Downtown Disney, we got a little lost but found our way to the most delicious pizza place ever, where we enjoyed something yummy covered in cheese and pepperoni. Then we went back to wait outside of jail for Rico’s release. WORST TIME EVER.
Inside the jail was horribly freezing so waiting in the lobby was not an option, it has now begun to actually cool down in Florida right now, so even outside was a tad chilly, and outside was Becky Lynn. I don’t know her actual name but this woman was the most confusing, ridiculous thing I’ve ever met before in my life. She looked gross (clearly she’d been in jail for a week) and wanted to tell us all about why she was in jail, what a piece of shit her boyfriend is, about her kids, her do not contact order that she’s about to VIOLATE by having her ex pick her up AT JAIL, and how bad she needs a fucking cigarette. To be honest I may know this lady’s entire life, minus her name, I think I know more about her than I do the person we were actually bailing out of jail, but she was just creepy in a weird way. Like I wasn’t scared of the lady at all, I could have taken her, but creepy in the way that you try to avoid homeless people.
Enough about Tawanda though, point of this blog is whilst sitting outside of jail Hals and I were talking about what we wish we would have worn because neither of our outfits were ready for all that adventure. (OH YEAH; We also had to wait until 3:30 am for him to be released, the cops working at that jail really have no respect for anyone elses time at all, I don’t want to get started on that rant though) After examining my closet closely this is what I’ve come up with. Now clearly big gold hoop earrings are a necessity when sitting outside of jail. We really wish we’d of worn those. Then to explain the rest of the look: a I really wanted a jacket because I found myself freezing my ass off 60% of the day, and a scarf helps as an accessory with warmth too, fabric pants because they’re breathable so you don’t sweat to death when you’re wearing them when the sun is out, but they are super comfy and provide warmth when the sun goes down, and then a tank to match the pants.
I really wish I’d of worn this, so if anyone needs to be bailed out of jail anytime soon, I don’t have the money, but I do have the outfit. Holla, and I’ll patiently wait for you.