I’m weird and awkward 60% of the time, and that always results in something I can typically find hilarious. However, I find myself alone a lot. It’s not something that I mind, it’s something I’ve grown accustomed to and actually can say I prefer most of these days. Today was a particularly lonely day, being Monday was enough, but I woke up to a picture of the one that got away and it’s pretty much haunted me all day. If I’m being honest I know that it definitely makes me really fucking weird considering that was a different lifetime ago when I was a 21 year old fat midget and had no love for myself and no gratitude for anyone that showed me love. I lost a lot of friends, drank a lot, and walked away from the best relationship I’ve ever known. This post isn’t a happy or funny one, it’s just one that I needed to get out, because the reality of how much I miss him is not something that I can hide behind a stupid joke, or a couple beers, I fucked up and sometimes you can’t ever go back and sometimes it never really will be repairable. I was a stupid little girl, and ran away, escaped 800 miles away to Florida, and now that I’m preparing to move back to North Carolina I’m terrified. I know at some point I’m going to run into him. And while it’s a fantasy that I’ll replay over and over again in my head until the day it happens today I’m just going to play dress up thinking about what I’d wear if I could see him again soon. I hope this all seems more relatable than it does creepy cause I realize that I kind of sound really creepy, oh well. The whole point of this post is that I am a real girl, and as easy as I find it to laugh off most of the ridiculous situations I’ve put myself in, this one I don’t find funny, this is my one regret.
Without further ado, I’ll cut the creepiness out:
Outfit A: If I could see you during the day: I picked a really cute Grateful Dead baseball tee, (we used to listen to their records together), paired with a patterned short (these make my butt look amazing, and he’s an ass man), boots, (cause it’d be Carolina and that shit’s acceptable), and a fun scarf (when I left Carolina I wasn’t as trendy, so I want to look like I know my fashion shit now)
Outfit B: If I saw you out at night: Again he was an ass guy so I picked my most Assworthy pair of Curvacious Levi’s in Charcoal Denim, it’s almost black so they’re more slimming and they are made for girls to accentuate the junk in the trunk, mustache tank because I’m obsessed with it and to be a little scandalous I’d wear a black lacy bra underneath it so it’d show thru, my flannel cause it’ll be cold in Carolina, and a black felt fedora just to add some coolness, ending it all with combat boots to prove I’m still a badass.
Outfit C: If you let me but you a drink: Clearly, this isn’t something that could actually happen given how horrible I was after I moved, I used to get my drunk text/call on WAYYYY TOO MUCH and leave the most horrible voice-mails, now I don’t remember what I ever said on them, but I haven’t spoke to him in over a year so I imagine they weren’t positive. However, this is my fantasy so if I were to be able to spend some one on one time with the kid ever again, this is definitely what I’d want to wear. This dress cuts low and in-between my titts, so they look amazingly perky and fake, it also hugs my hips making me look extremely thin and curvy in a good way, there’s a slit in the back that makes my ass look fucking stellar when I walk, these Nine West wedges are extremely easy to walk in which is a plus since I’m sure I’ll be doing some jitter-killing nervous binge drinking, and the purse is small enough to hold everything I need without getting in the way of anything.
That’s it. Really I hope none of that seemed too creepy, I mean lets be honest every girl has fantasized about the perfect outfit to see your ex in, get real.