I’m a crazy person. I know that and somehow I feel like being open and honest about it makes it a little better. My health care doesn’t kick in til jan 1 so I’ve got another month and a half til I can get pills to fix that, so I just have to deal with it and accept it and be honest to everyone I know about it. I’m not embarrassed by it, hell I’m a woman so it should be expected anyway right?!
Anyway part of my insanity is that I put everything I have into every detail of my life: relationships, fashion, work, family, addiction…etc it doesn’t matter how minuscule the (insert verb here) is, I put my all into it all.
It takes me 2.5 minutes to love a person and I fall so hard. It’s a fun life and a risky life really. I have really bad anxiety too so the risk of getting hurt is terrifying, but the thrill of rushing in is worth it to me.
Clearly, not all guys I come across understand the wild ride that is my life and that’s okay. Travis and I didn’t work out. Broke up today, further proving my belief that if its real you know the first day, and I knew I just ignored it cause the thought of having a real boyfriend was really exciting to me, and he was like a normal guy who was nice which I knew to be too good to be true, but didn’t listen to that brain thought either.
Whatever, I don’t care what the excuse and I didn’t really get a reason but a: I deserve better, his communication skills sucked and since we lived an hour away from each other, our relationship depended on him making a phone call or picking up the phone and he had a hard time doing that. Like its a fucking button not brain surgery.
B: I deserve a real break up. After ignoring me for three days straight he called me on his lunch break to end it. Fucking really? Like finished his ham sandwich and picked up the phone “hey sorry I just don’t want to be with you right now” and went back to making stairs. Taylor swift I understand girl. No explanation, no nothing. One day we’re talking about adding him to my cell phone plan and spending the holidays with each others families and the next you don’t like me? I mean I’m bipolar as fuck sometimes but FUCKING REALLY?? Pussy ass bitch.
Sorry I’m angry. Anyway clearly today has been awful and the best way to make a bad day better is to pretty it up. Just because you feel like an emotional train wreck doesn’t mean you have to look like one. Today I’m going for geek chic so I can stay cozy. Did my make up, a smooth burnt red lip, fake hello kitty glasses, red grandma sweater, messy ballet bun. I feel spectacular, time to go get stoned and maybe meet a new boyfriend who isn’t a cunt!
Last night Haley Jane took me out to show me a good time and we had a lot a lot a lot a lot of fun. I just bought these glasses and haven’t been able to really take them off, I love looking like I have a brain that functions properly. Last night I wore cream jeans, denim shirt, red chain scarf belt, grandma sweater and same hair. Haley tried to reenact Up in CVS
Yes I took public restroom pics, don’t judge me … I looked good.
I’ll be fine, break ups suck but True Life: I’m a Sugar Baby is on and I have leftover Taco Bus and a pint of Reese’s Ice Cream. I don’t need anyone, sometimes it’s just nice not to be alone, but just because you’re with someone doesn’t mean it’s the right someone. Thanks for tolerating the mess of bipolar emotions this post has been today, but I always gotta keep it real.
Marshmallows and Yams,