So you find out you’re expecting and you’re really excited. Naturally you know this is going to be a long journey in which several life changes will be made. For starters you know you have to make some lifestyle changes, no more drinking, or smoking or going to the tanning bed. You know your body is about to go through a shit storm of change, your organs move all around, your boobs triple in size, and obviously you can’t wear the items in your closet that you used to love. Then baby comes: if you deliver naturally you know your giving up the nice tight vagina you used to have and using it to push out a 14 1/2 in. Head&shoulders, and if you c-section like me you know you’re going to be in a ton of pain for a good amount of time, and also you’re actually having life-risking surgery to get this invader baby out of your body. Once you get home you know clearly you’ll be giving up most of your sleep, breast feeding moms also giving up the majority of your calories (good thing lol), and you know you’ll be saying goodbye to your hard earned money a lot quicker than you once were. Again these are all sacrifices you prepare yourself for, you know ahead of time to expect these changes and do your absolute best to welcome them all with open arms, after all baby is totally worth it right? Absolutely!
After two weeks at home I have discovered a few things that don’t make it any less worth it, but were completely unexpected in the transition to parenthood.
1.You say goodbye to pretty panties for a while
No joke. A few friends had told me to buy granny panties (they sell them at wal*mart as “High-waisted briefs” in 6 packs) I being the stubborn girl I am was like “I have boyshorts, they provide plenty of coverage there’s no way I’m actually going to need to waste $7 on fugly underwear.” WRONG. After a c-section any regular underwear hit right at the incision line, my ass was at wal*mart picking up a 6 pack the day after we left the hospital. You need the extra coziness and height of the granny panty.
2. Your house is no longer immaculate
Remember how accomplished you felt after getting everything nice and clean and organized during your nesting phase? Cherish that memory, cause once baby is home you honestly won’t care how clean the granite countertops are, seriously I found myself saying “Well honestly the coffee stains blend in with the granite so I think I can get away with not cleaning them for another day”. I used to run the dishwasher every day and wash all the dirty clothes in their neat little color coated piles. Now it’s “run it when we need more bottles” and the washing machine just stays open so we can throw the various poo/pee clothes in there after removing them from baby.
I love love love being in the kitchen, I love making a home cooked meal and sitting down and enjoying the fruits of my labor. However, going along with the exhaustion and pain, the first week home it’s damn near impossible to think about cooking. Bend over to get the baking pan from the drawer under the stove? Hell to the no. Our first week home I had an apple, a doughnut, and various fast food. Did I once wish I could make some delicious chicken and sides? Yes, but then I immediately thought about unloading the dishwasher and sent James out. Sometimes even throwing away the trash from a fast food meal was a challenge. Enough said.
Mind you we just bought the most comfortable mattress you could dream on, at first I was like I just need a step-stool to get up in it, then I realized, the “comfiest mattress ever” had turned into a death trap. Causing major back pain, making it impossible to sit upright and breast feed late at night. It felt like I was being swallowed whole by pillows and plush. Needless to say I have been on the couch the past few weeks, hoping to be back in bed shortly after Thanksgiving.
And while I could go on and on about more unexpected changes I’ll end it with this one:
5. You have the strongest desire to match your kid
Like not like in clothes, but you want people to look at this precious, adorable little life and say “he looks so much like you”. It’s weird and it’s hard to explain, but like seriously. Now, I have been a blonde for about a year and a half, those who know me personally understand my quest to have long blonde locks and get skinny like Ke$ha, don’t judge me. However, since Cash was born with lots of dark hair, and James has dark hair everyone keeps saying how much THEY look alike, and I’m all over here “hey guys he looks like me too, if I wasn’t blonde”…
Anyway long story short, in order to have the perfect family pictures over the holidays, I’ve given up on my golden quest and done this: