Some people are deciders. You DECIDE what will happen to you, what you will make happen for yourself, and most importantly who you will spend your life with. Once you’ve made a decision no matter how big or small, it’s been decided, you let it go and stick with that decision no matter what, even through the most difficult times. This is what we’re taught marriage is, the ultimate decision, the decision that has taken a lifetime to reach and at the same time will take a lifetime to fulfill. James and I are deciders. The day we met we decided we were in love, and a week later, we decided we wanted to start a family. Some people will read this and think that we’re the two most insane people in the universe, and that’s okay, because we aren’t here to fulfill someone else’s ideals of what the right decision is for our lives. The day I met James and every day since I’ve felt in my heart without fail, that he is the man I’m going to spend the rest of my life with, and given the chance I wouldn’t make any different decisions. I love that we started our family first, I think it really shows the strength of our love for each other. I also feel like you can’t possibly know you’re in love with someone until you see the kind of parent they are. I THOUGHT I loved James before, but I can say that I literally love him more every single day seeing what a wonderful father he is to our son. The way he smiles at my baby boy’s smile, words seriously can’t describe the feeling that kind of love gives you. It’s the ultimate experience. I got pregnant 6 weeks into our relationship. Yup. 6 weeks. While we did make a decision to try to start a family, neither of us actually expected for it to happen so quickly! While there have certainly been moments in the past 2 years that have tested the strength of our relationship, we’ve managed to create a great balance for each other’s needs in order to maintain a successful relationship while balancing quality family time. While James is a person who likes a lot of alone time and doesn’t need tokens of affection, I can’t stand being by myself for extended periods of time and LOVE random Tuesday love presents! So here are some struggles we’ve had, and things we’ve done to overcome them together. While pregnant I was uncontrollably negative and moody all the time. He could do no right sometimes! So we got a simple composition book, and started to write notes of positivity to each other. He’d write them to me before I woke up, and I’d read his note and write a response while he was at work then he would wake up to a great note …etc, etc. This helped my moods significantly! I woke up to positivity and it kept me in a positive mindset the whole day! Even now, while we do forget here and there, James and I are on our 2nd book together, and it’s just so nice knowing I’ll most likely wake up knowing he was thinking of me!
After the birth of our son, I was insecure about being dependent on him. So he started valuing the work I do at home. This was a hard conversation for me to have, I went from providing for myself and having a full-time job with a decent leftover budget at the end of each month, to completely depending on James for even a few dollars to walk and get a coffee! It’s a humbling experience, and I was having such a hard time knowing that I wasn’t “earning my keep”. When I presented this internal conflict to James, he was SO SUPPORTIVE. In addition to letting me know that the work I was doing by staying home with our son was invaluable, he listed all the things I did that were productive, and gave me my own money. Each week I get a “paycheck” so that I have my own money and don’t have to ask him for everything, and as silly as it seems, that small gesture and change makes me feel like I am being productive and that I am being valued both physically and emotionally!
My post-baby body continues to drag me down. So we’re getting healthy together. I obviously don’t need to mention the many benefits of being fit with your partner, but being part of a diet/exercise program with your partner is really a key to success! He keeps me on top of my eating habits, and I keep his Mtn.Dew addiction in check! We walk around the local park together as a family, and it just makes getting in shape something FUN to do together! I love having someone who is so awesome and supportive!
I felt like I was becoming a boring “parent” type. So we’re getting out of our comfort zones. Over the last few months both James and I felt we were getting “stuck” in the “grown-up” routine: morning, coffee, work, lunch, work, home, dinner, movie or tv series til bed. So, we openly communicated about this terrible cycle, and have since been finding alternative things to do to get out of the house on weeknights and really go on adventures! On Valentine’s Day we even got real crazy and went canoeing! We are engaged and have been for a little over a year now, while I’m really excited to walk down the aisle and have a wedding, at this point those things don’t matter that much. When your relationship gets through an insanely fast-paced series of life-changing events such as: a crazy hormonal pregnancy, weight gain in both partners, and your babies first year, it’s basically all down hill from here. There’s nothing rushing me down the aisle and I’m able to really take my time to plan my dream wedding without stressing myself out because I’ve already got my family, and they’re just perfect for me. We’re committed to our family, and making our decisions continue to be the best they can be!
Goin’ to the Chapel and we’re…